If only you knew, what emotions goes through my mind each time,
If only you knew, the pain that I feel each time,
If only you knew, the words that I wanna say to you,
If only you knew, my side of the argument,
If only you knew, that I really understand how you feel,
If only you knew, the courage and determination it takes for me to face it,
If only you knew, how strong I force myself to be,
If only you knew, how much I do care too,
If only you knew, how much I do love you.
But I guess it's all my fault that you don't know, cos I never did told.
I'm sorry I forgot how to.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Emotions
As I put down my completed book, I feel a sudden pang of emptiness. And a gush of emotions flooded me over, tears started trickling down my face. As I continue sobbing, I don''t know what it was for.. I really don't know.
Recent happenings kept flashing past my mind, now I remember.. memories of everything that we've ever shared, the countless arguments that we've had in the past 1year, the shouting scenes that took place, the tears that flowed from both our faces. Now I remember.. that emotions-filled girl, who cries over every argument, the girl who hangs on to every detail. Where is she now? Has she just turned into a cold-blooded creature, who doesn't care bout the past, or has she been numbed by everything that has happened, and now incapable to feel? I don't think she has the answer.
I sometimes wished that I know the answers, wished I could only say nice things to you and keep you happy..and being that way, I know that I will be the only one who is feeling the pain.
Recent happenings kept flashing past my mind, now I remember.. memories of everything that we've ever shared, the countless arguments that we've had in the past 1year, the shouting scenes that took place, the tears that flowed from both our faces. Now I remember.. that emotions-filled girl, who cries over every argument, the girl who hangs on to every detail. Where is she now? Has she just turned into a cold-blooded creature, who doesn't care bout the past, or has she been numbed by everything that has happened, and now incapable to feel? I don't think she has the answer.
I sometimes wished that I know the answers, wished I could only say nice things to you and keep you happy..and being that way, I know that I will be the only one who is feeling the pain.
Fall For You..
Am totally obsessed with this song at the moment...
Lyrics | Secondhand Serenade lyrics - Fall For You lyrics
Lyrics | Secondhand Serenade lyrics - Fall For You lyrics
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Days of Unemployment !
It's now Week 2 of my unemployed period. The objectives has been achieved- Do nothing, read all the books I can, facebook all day.. muahaha... great life ! The only thing that is the same as my working life, is that I'm waking up early every morning. At times as early as 7am ! But oh well, then got more time to lepak mar, and can have breakfast with Mom.
The past 2 weeks has been quite a series of dramatic events... starting with my severe case of food poisioning.. urgh what a way to start my kit-kat period. Then came a few other mini-series, which I have chose to forget. Dropped by office the other day, to join in for Za & Jo's birthday lunch... followed by birthday dinner for Jo at Wong Kok... Finally, a chance to drink from the HUGE glass of milk tea.
Look at Jo and her excited face! :P
The girls & the yummy choc cake!
The past 2 weeks has been quite a series of dramatic events... starting with my severe case of food poisioning.. urgh what a way to start my kit-kat period. Then came a few other mini-series, which I have chose to forget. Dropped by office the other day, to join in for Za & Jo's birthday lunch... followed by birthday dinner for Jo at Wong Kok... Finally, a chance to drink from the HUGE glass of milk tea.
Look at Jo and her excited face! :P
The girls & the yummy choc cake!The next few days were all spent, preparing for our PD slumber, and lil bit of packing for NZ. Ish, am feeling so lazy to pack. There are a few more items on my list that's yet to be done... so must stop procrastinating d lor, since I'm flying next Saturday ! oh gosh, suddenly it seems so close. Should have got the ticket the week after, then I can bum around for a while more. hehe
Though I'm no longer with the company, I still hear updates about what's going on in the department, glad to know about my team's destiny and the recent promotion of a team member! Congrats, Kelv ~! Hope you do well ! And the others, I could only hope they do what's best for them. As for boss, I'm really hoping the V.08 comes back really soon. I'm sure everyone will be glad !
Well, guess that's all for today, mom's bugging me to get off, so she can login to Pet Society. I totally don't get it.... that game is so slow !! Log on to it for bout 15 mins, and i got real impatient. haha. definitely not my kinda game !
Though I'm no longer with the company, I still hear updates about what's going on in the department, glad to know about my team's destiny and the recent promotion of a team member! Congrats, Kelv ~! Hope you do well ! And the others, I could only hope they do what's best for them. As for boss, I'm really hoping the V.08 comes back really soon. I'm sure everyone will be glad !
Well, guess that's all for today, mom's bugging me to get off, so she can login to Pet Society. I totally don't get it.... that game is so slow !! Log on to it for bout 15 mins, and i got real impatient. haha. definitely not my kinda game !
Monday, March 16, 2009
My last day at work
Came March 13.
The day finally came, my last day at work it is. Coincidentally aunty was on leave today, so I took the train to work. It was raining all the way from Kepong til I reach office. Infact it was still raining up till 10am. what a gloomy day, describes a fraction of my thoughts too.
Had mixed feelings as I emptied out my drawers, my file holder, and my table. Thought that I would feel really sad to leave, but I didn't. It was like any other Friday at work, except that I wasn't doing work. Went around to see some other colleagues, to tell them that I was leaving, was deleting most of the folders in my PC, and was composing my goodbye email. Yeap, it's finally my turn to write one.
Time seem to pass really fast too, a blink of an eye and it was 4+ already. Then came that last few minutes to 5pm, where I was asked to give a speech. A short one I gave, couldn't bear to give a long one as I was afraid that I would tear. And after my short speech, they presented me with some prezzies, a Casio digital watch, a Insights Guide to NZ, and a T shirt with all their signatures ! Then came the photo session, and the hugs session. Was a lil teary when I hugged some of the colleagues, but stopped myself from crying. After all, I've been there for 2.5 years. Sedih jugak ya! Well, all in all, my time with the company has been a great experience. Made greater working with my boss! haha, gotta give him some credit ler. My 2.5 years has been filled with joy, laughter, tears, anger, frustration and stress! And the people that I have worked with, made it unforgettable for me. Thanks guys !
So this is it ! My emancipation from Marcus Evans.. and here comes the customary picture..
A must take pic for all ME leavers. :)
The day finally came, my last day at work it is. Coincidentally aunty was on leave today, so I took the train to work. It was raining all the way from Kepong til I reach office. Infact it was still raining up till 10am. what a gloomy day, describes a fraction of my thoughts too.
Had mixed feelings as I emptied out my drawers, my file holder, and my table. Thought that I would feel really sad to leave, but I didn't. It was like any other Friday at work, except that I wasn't doing work. Went around to see some other colleagues, to tell them that I was leaving, was deleting most of the folders in my PC, and was composing my goodbye email. Yeap, it's finally my turn to write one.
Time seem to pass really fast too, a blink of an eye and it was 4+ already. Then came that last few minutes to 5pm, where I was asked to give a speech. A short one I gave, couldn't bear to give a long one as I was afraid that I would tear. And after my short speech, they presented me with some prezzies, a Casio digital watch, a Insights Guide to NZ, and a T shirt with all their signatures ! Then came the photo session, and the hugs session. Was a lil teary when I hugged some of the colleagues, but stopped myself from crying. After all, I've been there for 2.5 years. Sedih jugak ya! Well, all in all, my time with the company has been a great experience. Made greater working with my boss! haha, gotta give him some credit ler. My 2.5 years has been filled with joy, laughter, tears, anger, frustration and stress! And the people that I have worked with, made it unforgettable for me. Thanks guys !
So this is it ! My emancipation from Marcus Evans.. and here comes the customary picture..
A must take pic for all ME leavers. :)
Barry & Stuart
Watched Barry & Stuart at KLPAC on Thursday night. It was quite a show. For starters, they were very entertaining, secondly, they are really cute!
Though we bought our tickets for Row G, we were ushered to Row D, and that was much closer to the stage. ( Yippee!) A few of their tricks were simple and funny ones, while some were gruesome, and a few were totally awesome ! Am really awed by the one where they turned the bottle of water into wine...am still puzzled.
And then was the part where Barry came to my seat, and led me onstage to assist with one of the tricks. It was just a simple funny trick, but still it felt great.
The 2 hour show felt like 15 mins, as it provided us a good laugh for the night, after all that has happened lately, a good laugh will do us all good.
After the show, they were sitting outside for an autograph session, managed to take a picture with them with Jo's phone. Dang, my camera's battery was flat !
We left KLpac feeling entertained and much relaxed, and Jo.. totally star-struck by Barry...
(L-R)Stuart , Jo, Me, Barry
Though we bought our tickets for Row G, we were ushered to Row D, and that was much closer to the stage. ( Yippee!) A few of their tricks were simple and funny ones, while some were gruesome, and a few were totally awesome ! Am really awed by the one where they turned the bottle of water into wine...am still puzzled.
And then was the part where Barry came to my seat, and led me onstage to assist with one of the tricks. It was just a simple funny trick, but still it felt great.
The 2 hour show felt like 15 mins, as it provided us a good laugh for the night, after all that has happened lately, a good laugh will do us all good.
After the show, they were sitting outside for an autograph session, managed to take a picture with them with Jo's phone. Dang, my camera's battery was flat !
We left KLpac feeling entertained and much relaxed, and Jo.. totally star-struck by Barry...
(L-R)Stuart , Jo, Me, Barry
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
A treat for the females
A friend sent this to me today...thought I'll share this with everyone!
I wanna work in this kitchen ! :)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Quality time spent
This weekend has been a roller-coaster of emotions. So much that I won't know where to start, or perhaps i won't wanna talk about it anymore. But the important thing is, I feel much better now.
At the age of 25, do you still lie down and cry on mommy's lap? Well, I did. And it made me feel a whole lot better. Talking to mom bout things that I only dreamt of telling her, sharing with her things that I never thought she would understand, but she did. And her words of advice was golden. Sometimes, as we grow up, the age gap between us and our parents gets bigger, and the communication gap tend to widen too. We eventually forget that our parents have been there, done that, thus, they know better. In my case, mom said " I've been there, I know how you feel, and what you should do. And she is right. Though I grow up with parents that are very sporting and supportive, public display of our affections is still something new. Well to be exact, we ain't that expressive of our emotions. After our long chat ( Negaraku was playing on ntv7, but we didn't do a standing ovation of cos) , as mom went back to her room to sleep, I text her " I love you mommy" and she replied " I love u 2." From this, I knew we moved on to a different level, and I'm happy.
Quality time with mom.
Today, I slept in till 10am. Well, actually I got up bout 7+, after both mom and dad came into my room to ajak me for breakfast. They came in separately, mind you. First mom, then dad - as if not believing her that I don't wanna go. Nah, let them go 'berdua-duaan'. Then at 10am, dad called, and asked if I still wanna sleep, when I asked where was he, he said he was just downstairs.. What?? oh dear.. my dad can be such a joker at times. ha ha
Did some chores, fried some pancakes for daddy, then I got ready and drove out to Desa Park City. Brought my novel there, and my diary as well. I've decided to sit down and finish up my novel, and at the same time, jot down some thoughts. Settled on a spot outside Kay's cafe. Ordered Thai Fried Rice and Ice Lemon Tea, I was starving already since I rejected the breakfast invitation. The fried rice was quite good, for the price of RM 9, it came with a bowl of tom yam soup, and 4 prawns and 2 pieces of sotong. yeah , I counted.
I sat there for a good few hours, though I was there all alone, it felt good. With the light breeze and the green view ahead, I find it very relaxing and my mind was at peace. Oh, the simple things in life.
Close to 4pm, my objective was reached. Finished my book, and did some writing. Paid my bill and went off the MaxValue. I picked up a few items, and drove home.
Quality time with myself.
We made plans to go back to Bentong for dinner. When I was younger, I didn't appreciate these trips as much, as I felt the journey back was forever. Now, I learn to appreciate these gatherings, it's bout an hour away, I don't usually fall asleep in the car anymore, and I'm delighted to go home and see my beloved "ye ye ma ma". My grandparents.
Dinner was scrumptious as usual, and it's always a pleasure sitting next to my 'ye ye' , seeing him enjoy his dinner. After dinner, as we rested in grandma's house, I had a good chat with grandpa, always enjoyed talking to him and listen to him speak in our Kwangsi dialect. It's a pity we youngsters don't speak in that dialect de. At bout 10.30pm, we made our way home.
Quality time spent with granparents.
After a dramatic February, I've learned to cherish people around me so much more. You will never know when they might leave you.
Yawn. time to go.
At the age of 25, do you still lie down and cry on mommy's lap? Well, I did. And it made me feel a whole lot better. Talking to mom bout things that I only dreamt of telling her, sharing with her things that I never thought she would understand, but she did. And her words of advice was golden. Sometimes, as we grow up, the age gap between us and our parents gets bigger, and the communication gap tend to widen too. We eventually forget that our parents have been there, done that, thus, they know better. In my case, mom said " I've been there, I know how you feel, and what you should do. And she is right. Though I grow up with parents that are very sporting and supportive, public display of our affections is still something new. Well to be exact, we ain't that expressive of our emotions. After our long chat ( Negaraku was playing on ntv7, but we didn't do a standing ovation of cos) , as mom went back to her room to sleep, I text her " I love you mommy" and she replied " I love u 2." From this, I knew we moved on to a different level, and I'm happy.
Quality time with mom.
Today, I slept in till 10am. Well, actually I got up bout 7+, after both mom and dad came into my room to ajak me for breakfast. They came in separately, mind you. First mom, then dad - as if not believing her that I don't wanna go. Nah, let them go 'berdua-duaan'. Then at 10am, dad called, and asked if I still wanna sleep, when I asked where was he, he said he was just downstairs.. What?? oh dear.. my dad can be such a joker at times. ha ha
Did some chores, fried some pancakes for daddy, then I got ready and drove out to Desa Park City. Brought my novel there, and my diary as well. I've decided to sit down and finish up my novel, and at the same time, jot down some thoughts. Settled on a spot outside Kay's cafe. Ordered Thai Fried Rice and Ice Lemon Tea, I was starving already since I rejected the breakfast invitation. The fried rice was quite good, for the price of RM 9, it came with a bowl of tom yam soup, and 4 prawns and 2 pieces of sotong. yeah , I counted.
I sat there for a good few hours, though I was there all alone, it felt good. With the light breeze and the green view ahead, I find it very relaxing and my mind was at peace. Oh, the simple things in life.
Close to 4pm, my objective was reached. Finished my book, and did some writing. Paid my bill and went off the MaxValue. I picked up a few items, and drove home.
Quality time with myself.
We made plans to go back to Bentong for dinner. When I was younger, I didn't appreciate these trips as much, as I felt the journey back was forever. Now, I learn to appreciate these gatherings, it's bout an hour away, I don't usually fall asleep in the car anymore, and I'm delighted to go home and see my beloved "ye ye ma ma". My grandparents.
Dinner was scrumptious as usual, and it's always a pleasure sitting next to my 'ye ye' , seeing him enjoy his dinner. After dinner, as we rested in grandma's house, I had a good chat with grandpa, always enjoyed talking to him and listen to him speak in our Kwangsi dialect. It's a pity we youngsters don't speak in that dialect de. At bout 10.30pm, we made our way home.
Quality time spent with granparents.
After a dramatic February, I've learned to cherish people around me so much more. You will never know when they might leave you.
Yawn. time to go.
Friday, March 6, 2009
A day off from work.. not really
Am on leave today ! wheee... So I woke up at 10.30am, did some laundry, showered and got all ready to leave home, wanted to go down to MSL travel to apply for my IYTC. I got to the last step of the staircase just to find the whole house empty and mom was missing ! After a phone call to mom, only I know she is out shopping at Ikea. ish ish.. apparently since 8plus..
That leaves me no choice but to walk to the KTM station, gosh it took me almost 30 minutes to walk there, it's either I took the longer way, or I'm just slow. Was drenched in sweat when I reached the KTM station, it was a good thing that the train came in 10 mins.
Notice the big bottle of chili flakes?
Lesson of the day : Never put 1 tablespoon of chili
The super spicy pan mee.
The specialty here is the dry chili flakes which is super spicy. As you can see, i took a tablespoon of it for photography purposes, but I ended up mixing the whole lot into my noodles. and it was super duper spicy !! After finishing up my bowl of noodles, only i realised, hmm.. the only thing that i tasted was the spicy sensation, other than that, it was just texture in my mouth..Hmm.. not so great after all, just for the experience sake then !
After lunch I dropped by office a while, now you see why i said it's not really a day off from work? Colleagues were suprised to see me, and glad I hope, cos some was under the impresson that I missed them. oh, poor delusional fellas. Haha. ok I'm just being mean. Actually stayed there till 5pm..gosh. Just like another day at work.
Went over to Mid Valley to meet up with Giin Shing and Chee Heng for dinner. Had food from this Thai place in Gardens.. it was just so - so. Not satisfied at all ! Was supposed to go out for yumcha after Mid V, but was too tired so I decided to pass. Took a shower and wanted to sleep early, but ironically, here I am blogging at 2am.. Life's just like that.
That leaves me no choice but to walk to the KTM station, gosh it took me almost 30 minutes to walk there, it's either I took the longer way, or I'm just slow. Was drenched in sweat when I reached the KTM station, it was a good thing that the train came in 10 mins.
After applying my IYTC at MSL Travel, I walked down to Tunes hotel on Jln Sultan Ismail. Wasgoin to meet up with 2 friends to have lunch. They were bringing me to the Spicy Pan Mee at Restoran Kin Kin. I have been talking bout going there one day, and today is the day! Aha! Waited but 20 mins before our noodles arrived, looks good, fine strands of noodles,minced pork and anchovies, topped with a poached egg.
Notice the big bottle of chili flakes?Lesson of the day : Never put 1 tablespoon of chili
The super spicy pan mee.The specialty here is the dry chili flakes which is super spicy. As you can see, i took a tablespoon of it for photography purposes, but I ended up mixing the whole lot into my noodles. and it was super duper spicy !! After finishing up my bowl of noodles, only i realised, hmm.. the only thing that i tasted was the spicy sensation, other than that, it was just texture in my mouth..Hmm.. not so great after all, just for the experience sake then !
After lunch I dropped by office a while, now you see why i said it's not really a day off from work? Colleagues were suprised to see me, and glad I hope, cos some was under the impresson that I missed them. oh, poor delusional fellas. Haha. ok I'm just being mean. Actually stayed there till 5pm..gosh. Just like another day at work.
Went over to Mid Valley to meet up with Giin Shing and Chee Heng for dinner. Had food from this Thai place in Gardens.. it was just so - so. Not satisfied at all ! Was supposed to go out for yumcha after Mid V, but was too tired so I decided to pass. Took a shower and wanted to sleep early, but ironically, here I am blogging at 2am.. Life's just like that.
Monday, March 2, 2009
The decision
It's finally been done..
The decision has been made. Have finally break the news to boss bout my intentions to leave to pursue my backpacking dream. The decision was definitely questioned, given the fact that economy isn't looking good everywhere. His first question was " Would you be able to find a job?"
To my dear friends whose losing me here, I'm packing my bags and traveling to NZ for a working holiday experience. Expected to be there for 6 months, though ppl around me keep expecting me to not come back. do you really mean that? won't you miss me? hehe
Eversince I was a child, I have always wanted to pursue my studies overseas, I never had that chance as I went to a local uni. I'm not saying that I regret it, infact I treasure every minute, every second of my 4 years in MMU. That was where I met Darling, and what we shared was some of the best memories that I've had.
When I was in uni, I dreamt about goin backpacking with some friends once I graduate.. but that never realised too, there were no friends that shared the same passion, and there was no budget for that. Just like every graduate, I came out to work, earning an average income, spending my money all for myself.. and a lil for mom and piggy sis ( who is always asking me to buy her sushi!). Only in year 2 of working, I started saving bigger sum of my money, and this became the funds for my NZ trip.
Last year, I find myself at a turning point of my life, and there was a voice that said, it's now or never. That's when I made the decision to apply for my NZ working holiday. I know this decision affected him and it was indeed a heavy decision to swallow. But deep down, I hope he would understand why, and would see the bigger picture in due time..
My flight is one month away, and my mind is clouded with thoughts and emotions. Some are more important matters while some are tiny lil paranoia thought. My friend had to virtually hit my head to remove those negative thoughts. *piak piak* Ouch...
Ok ok . point taken. will try to be more optimistic !
The decision has been made. Have finally break the news to boss bout my intentions to leave to pursue my backpacking dream. The decision was definitely questioned, given the fact that economy isn't looking good everywhere. His first question was " Would you be able to find a job?"
To my dear friends whose losing me here, I'm packing my bags and traveling to NZ for a working holiday experience. Expected to be there for 6 months, though ppl around me keep expecting me to not come back. do you really mean that? won't you miss me? hehe
Eversince I was a child, I have always wanted to pursue my studies overseas, I never had that chance as I went to a local uni. I'm not saying that I regret it, infact I treasure every minute, every second of my 4 years in MMU. That was where I met Darling, and what we shared was some of the best memories that I've had.
When I was in uni, I dreamt about goin backpacking with some friends once I graduate.. but that never realised too, there were no friends that shared the same passion, and there was no budget for that. Just like every graduate, I came out to work, earning an average income, spending my money all for myself.. and a lil for mom and piggy sis ( who is always asking me to buy her sushi!). Only in year 2 of working, I started saving bigger sum of my money, and this became the funds for my NZ trip.
Last year, I find myself at a turning point of my life, and there was a voice that said, it's now or never. That's when I made the decision to apply for my NZ working holiday. I know this decision affected him and it was indeed a heavy decision to swallow. But deep down, I hope he would understand why, and would see the bigger picture in due time..
My flight is one month away, and my mind is clouded with thoughts and emotions. Some are more important matters while some are tiny lil paranoia thought. My friend had to virtually hit my head to remove those negative thoughts. *piak piak* Ouch...
Ok ok . point taken. will try to be more optimistic !
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